Well, a happy good morning to everyone! I’ve been in the editing cave, so there isn’t much new happening here with me, other than the fact I quit smoking.
But that’s another story…
So, while I’ve been racking my brain to come up with an interesting subject for the blog, I realized I haven’t done any self-promotion in a while. Even thinking about doing so starts me squirming in my seat, and makes me uncomfortable.
OMG – What will people think if I write THIS:
I am a published author and I receive fan letters from readers. Much to my humble surprise, I also win awards!
See? That was actually painful for me to type. I’ve broken out in a sweat and my fingers are hovering over the delete key.
I don’t know if anyone else relates to this. It was hammered into my head to always be humble, never brag, and whatever you do – don’t draw attention to yourself. The meek will inherit the earth…
Proverbs: 27:12 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.
You would think that since I haven’t stepped inside a Catholic church for more than thirty five years, I could have modified that bit in my head about “pride cometh before a fall…”
How about “tooting one’s own horn?” Mmm. Another phrase that has negative connotations for me.
As an author – who needs to advertise to make a living – aren’t I supposed to do these things? Why does it embarrass me?
When is not okay to be proud of something that you have achieved? I can’t even fathom how deep these psychological roots must go.
How come writing nice things about myself or my work – leaves me a little sick to my stomach and in desperate need for a place to hide?
For instance, as far as negating the Bible goes: I have NO problem with telling anyone I’m a lesbian, none. I have no shame or guilt, not one iota.
This one? “Children should be seen and not heard (as well as women)” Um, not so much. I have no problems stating an opinion or engaging in interesting debates.
My wife will tell you I also have NO problem saying “I told you so,” usually with a wickedly gleeful expression.
I can honestly write about personal experiences that don’t always paint me in stunning colors. Nope, no problems with that either.
I won’t blink an eye telling you of my psychic experiences or the haunted houses I’ve lived in.
I have no reservations or judgments about other people who can (and do) promote themselves brilliantly. In fact, I enjoy helping them with it. I can (with great ease) thank, praise, and name every person who has helped me along the way.
So why then is it so hard to promote myself?
I can only assume it comes from my upbringing. Where is the line between pride and arrogance? Between being humble and being invisible? What is actually wrong with wanting a better financial future? Why is wanting more considered a sin? Or at the very least, shallow?
Then I have the other side of me, which knows instinctively that most of my childhood beliefs didn’t fit or sit well with me – so I changed them.
Why is this one about being proud of my accomplishments so difficult? Is it because my insecurity of self is woven so tightly around this dogma?
Interesting questions for me to ponder today, and in a weird way – I just realized as I was typing this – the very answer to a prayer.
I am always in the process of learning and creating new beliefs that empower me and enrich my spirit in ways that feel good and right – for me.
I asked for it. I wanted to know what things are holding me back. I wanted to work on the issues that still have me feeling like an imposter. Apparently – this belief is the one I need to address.
Actually, that’s kind of cool. It means that I’ve reached a deep core belief that needs to be re-defined. It means that it’s okay to be proud of what I’ve accomplished. That it’s fine and acceptable to sing the songs that I’ve written. To share the words I’ve put to paper.
Everything gets better with practice, right? I still feel a little nauseated – but I’m hoping that will get better as this journey progresses.
All this to get to the point.
My name is Yvonne Heidt – I think I write awesome ghost stories full of interesting characters and paranormal events.
Bold Strokes Books publishes them.
Sometime Yesterday won The Golden Crown Literary Award for Best Paranormal Romance. As well as a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Romance.
The Awakening is the first in a trilogy” Sisters of Spirits – and it’s full of interesting characters that I fell in love with along the way. I hope you did too!
Finally, there’s this one: The second book in the Sisters of Spirits of Trilogy. It’s the book I am currently in the cave with and scheduled for publication in January 2014.
I have a regular gig here on Women & Words three Monday’s a month.
Here is my personal website: yvonneheidt.com
Here is my Twitter: ymh99
Now I have to hurry up and post this before I change my mind.